Gumnut

So i was on Craigslist about a year ago and i found this ad... Please enjoy responsibly. 


I have a 3 year old Koala Bear named GumNut, that I am desperately trying to find a new home for. I bought him in January figuring it would be an awesome pet that would enjoy living in my greenhouse, sadly I was wrong. I paid $3200 for him back in January and I am not sure what the used Koala Bear market is like I a good economy or the one we have now; so I am open to offers. Please use some common sense before contacting me, don’t be an idiot, I am not interested in trading my Koala Bear for your busted up 1980’s Camaro, pictures of your naked wife, or an offer to paint my garage door. 

GumNut’s stats: 

The GOOD: 

1. He is somewhat housebroken, uses a cat box most of the time. 
2. For the most part he is very quiet; this also falls into the bad category which we will touch on a in a moment. 
3. He eats spiders, (not kidding) we haven’t had a spider in our house since we got him. 
4. He hates watching Desperate Housewives, used to be my wife’s favorite show until GumNut bit her for changing the channel from Jeopardy, to Desperate Housewives. 
5. Gets along well with one of my two dogs. 
6. Loves to go for car rides. 

Now for the BAD: 

1. He eats a lot of eucalyptus, which is not as cheap as I expected. 
2. Apparently eucalyptus I like a drug for Koala Bears, when GunNut is coming down from his high he becomes very violent and aggressive. 
3. He raped and killed my wife’s cat “Miss Kitty” (Honestly, I wanted to put this in the good section because I’ve been trying to find a way to get that worthless cat out of the house for two years, thanks GumNut.) 
4. He does not like Asian’s, I have no idea where this Koala was raised but someone of Asian Descent must have really mistreated him. 
5. Loves Vin Diesel movies, not sure why, he just does. 
6. He has extremely sharp claws and teeth which he uses often. 
7. Loves shiny objects, steals and hides them frequently in my dog’s rear end. 
8. He is quiet, and as a result has snuck in on my wife and I during intimate moments. I mind him watching; maybe it won't’ bother you as much. 
9. GumNut smells terrible and is not easy to wash. I had to hold a gas soaked rag over his mouth till he blacked out to get him in this tub for a bath. 
10. Once he is in the water he is fine, getting him into the water IS the challenge
     He will scratch you
     He will bite you
     And you will bleed.

"Gumnut ad" by unknown craigslist user

Car Radio

A song...

I ponder of something great

My lungs will fill and then deflate

They fill with fire

Exhale desire

I know it's dire

My time today

I have these thoughts

So often I ought

To replace that slot

With what I once bought

'Cause somebody stole

My car radio

And now I just sit in silence

Sometimes quiet is violent

I find it hard to hide it

My pride is no longer inside

It's on my sleeve

My skin will scream

Reminding me of

Who I killed inside my dream

I hate this car that I'm driving

There's no hiding for me

I'm forced to deal with what I feel

There is no distraction to mask what is real

I could pull the steering wheel

I have these thoughts

So often I ought

To replace that slot

With what I once bought

'Cause somebody stole

My car radio

And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something terrifying

'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind

I find over the course of our human existence

One thing consists of consistence

And it's that we're all battling fear

Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here

Oh my,

Too deep

Please stop thinking

I liked it better when my car had sound

There are things we can do

But from the things that work there are only two

And from the two that we choose to do

Peace will win

And fear will lose

There's faith and there's sleep

We need to pick one please because

Faith is to be awake

And to be awake is for us to think

And for us to think is to be alive

And I will try with every rhyme

To come across like I am dying

To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts

So often I ought

To replace that slot

With what I once bought

'Cause somebody stole

My car radio

And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something great

My lungs will fill and then deflate

They fill with fire

Exhale desire

I know it's dire

My time today

I have these thoughts

So often I ought

To replace that slot

With what I once bought

'Cause somebody stole

My car radio

And now I just sit in silence

"Car Radio" by Twenty One Pilots

The Cookie Thief

Something I read...

A woman was waiting at an airport one night, with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. . .grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.” With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude, why he didn’t even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, there was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned in despair, the others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, that she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

By Valerie Cox in “A Matter of Perspective”

New stuffs to post

I think i should also post pictures of my artwork. What do you think? im curious to know you think theyre any good, these are only a few ive done (and these arent even the good ones). Should i sell them?

A Nightmare

Something I wrote

“I’m sorry Michael.” I wake up startled, I look around my classroom. Nobody is looking at me it must have been a dream I thought to myself. I sit back in my chair and stretch, then I get up and leave. As I open the door into the post office someone calls for me to hold the door open, as she walks past me I don't see her face but shes so beautiful… I love her. The only thing I can think of is her, its as if she were the earth and I were the moon, I feel my heart in my stomach and my being, my soul, getting pulled to her. As we wait in line for lunch we talk, I'm absolutely intoxicated with her. She tucks her long black hair behind her ear and smiles at me, she blushes when she sees how infatuated I am with her. Her blue eyes are so mesmerising I think to myself. “Haha thank you,” she says, I smile and blush. As we walk through the park I take out the ring and kneel “Yes!” she screamed, we leave the movies and I look at her face… The gunshot was so loud, I hit the mugger and I grabbed his gun. But he got away. As Sahra laid on the ground bleeding I called 911 crying. “I’m sorry Mikey,” she said.

“No no no no, its ok baby, helps on the way”

“Look at me Michael, I'm not going to make it my blood is black the ambulance won't make it in time.”

“No no its fine they're on their wa-”

“..baby… I-l -lov-ve you.”

We kissed till I felt her body go limp.
I sit up really quickly, another nightmare. As I think back to my dream the continuency of things are always weird, but they feel like they make sense while they happen. I look at the clock, 3am. I exhale deeply and get ready for work, then I grab the garbage and put it in the back of my car. As I drive to the bridge I think about the mugger. “All he got from Sahra was twenty bucks. He didn't have a hungry kid or a deadly disease, he didn't even owe someone that would kill him money. He just wanted some coke. Thats all.” As I pulled up to the bridge, I grabbed the garbage and through it into the water… seeing the blood flow in the water was therapeutic.

The Path

 Something I Wrote

The trail was old and ruined. Walking through the forest i found an old road you see, what once was probably an old highway to town. It was made of cobble and moss had filled its cracks, what used to be the curbs of the street are now mounds of river stones and moss. The trees lining the old path have made their way onto the dieing road, new trees sprinkled all over the ruined trail.

It was late spring, early summer. It was still cold, winter had lingered, but it was warm when the sun hit my face. I was going through this feeling of euforia, was this a dream? It was so peaceful. There were no sounds, no birds singing, and no wind to rustle the trees. The feeling came across me like a cup being filled with warm water. I've never felt like that before, I’m... happy. No, I'm at peace.

The device was bronze and copper. It was a sphere there were buttons and slides, you could move it around like a rubix cube. I had just found it, laying there, awaiting a new owner.

The cup, a chalice, felt like it was made of gold. It also had slides and buttons like the sphere. The sphere and the chalice had the same foreign markings, perhaps a long forgotten language?

The creature had pale blue skin, its human like features were beautiful. It stood about six feet and it stood straight. As i approached it there was a poof of a purple mist and i saw it was too far away to have ran there. It spoke from its distance in what i guessed was the language on my new items. As i raised them to look at my cup and sphere, the creature teleported by my side and took them from me.

Before i could oppose him he twisted and turned the sphere till it started to glow a faint blue light, then he put it on the chalise. The old mechanical sounds coming from my objects made my head hurt. when i opened my eyes i saw they turned into a staff and the creature was kneeling and offering me the staff like a knight would offer a noble king his sword. I took it.

Where am i? My feet don't touch the ground but i'm not falling. I can't see, its so dark… but i'm not scared. The feeling of euforia is so strong, everything feels right. Nothingness surrounds me and i'm at peace. The voice tells me only what i need to know.

I'm back in my world, my simple journey now a challenging quest, and now i move on with my new power to fulfil my destiny.

The Hidden Ones. episode 3

It was almost a year since John took Mathew and left the bible thumping town he once called home when he first saw the creature that had been following them since they had gone into the northern woods. One of the largest wolves John had ever seen, stood not even twenty feet in front of him. It was much larger than the biggest bears he's seen, and living in a cave the past few months he's encountered a few.

John stood his ground and he slowly reached for his knife he then charged screaming loudly. He stopped charging when he saw that the wolf wasn't a normal one. Now standing within spitting distance of the beast, did he realize the size comparison, it stood almost as tall as him at its shoulder. But this didn’t deter John, he slowly got in a better fighting stance as he bared his teeth, and started growling at it.

Only seconds had passed since he first saw the beast, and only now did he notice the wolf was not in a position of battle, it just stood there, curiously looking at him with her big green eyes, “All the better to see you with,” he thought with a smile. He was lost in those eyes, it took him a moment to see that they were not animal eyes, they looked… human, this was no ordinary creature. He thought of his uncles stories of werewolves. "You have beautiful eyes," John whispered, "My name is John," and with that the wolf snorted, turned, and ran, disappearing very quickly for such a large creature into the lite fog.